


Spilling Tea

by oohsh_kimmji



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-16
Updated: 2018-12-30
Packaged: 2019-06-11 11:56:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15314970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oohsh_kimmji/pseuds/oohsh_kimmji
Summary: Today 18:32master.yeolda: So can someone borrow me 50 bucks?try.me.bitch: What for?master.yeolda: Master Yoda slippersToday 22:40master.yeolda: So yall are just gonna ignore me?jurassic.troll: I apologize. #ChanyeolIsCancelledjurassic.troll: Better? :)master.yeolda: -.-





	1. #BaekIsOverParty

**Author's Note:**

> Sehun: bubblebutt-n-tea  
> Kai: hips-dont-lie  
> Kyungsoo: try.me.bitch  
> Chanyeol: master.yeolda  
> Baek: the-main-hoe  
> Chen: jurassic.troll  
> Lay: uni-sheep  
> Suho: your-angel-mother  
> Xiumin: coffee.prince

GROUPCHAT: EXHOES

the-main-hoe: LISTEN UP BITCHES, I GOT SOME TEA TO SPILL

bubblebutt-n-tea: My body is ready

hips-dont-lie: Is that so Sehunnie?( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

your-angel-mother: Jongin don’t.

uni-sheep: If anything Sehunnies body is ready for me.

hips-dont-lie: Stop trying to snatch my bf!

the-main-hoe: Y’all why is no one interested in my story?

bubblebutt-n-tea: I’m interested!

the-main-hoe: Aww I know you are, I meant everyone EXCEPT you.

coffee-prince: I’m still deciding if I’m interested.

try.me.bitch: Just tell the fucking story.

master.yeolda: YEAH JUST TELL THE STORY BITCH!

the-main-hoe: STOP YELLING AT ME!

the-main-hoe: ANYWAYS, so I was at Starbucks cause y’all now your bitch’s gotta get her iced caramell latte

jurassic.troll: Her? I knew you are a pussy and all but didn’t know you actually had one.

master.yeolda: Interesting

the-main-hoe: STFU! So I was telling this hoe my name and she was like ohh you have the same name as one of those exo boys

the-main-hoe: I was like bitch excuse me, I am the main exo boy.

coffee.prince: Since when?

your-angel-mother: Shouldn’t I as the leader be exo’s main boy?

jurassic.troll: I always thought Jongin was our main boy

bubblebutt-n-tea: Jongin is my main boy ♥

hips-dont-lie: Aww baby, ily♥

bubblebutt-n-tea: ily2♥

try.me.bitch: So wait if Jongin is your main boy, does that mean you have a side boy?

bubblebutt-n-tea: What no

uni-sheep: Yeah he does and that’s me. Trying to get promoted to main boy tho

hips-dont-lie: FUCK OFF! Hun I’m your only boy right?

bubblebutt-n-tea: ofc♥

hips-dont-lie: ♥

try.me.bitch: Im gonna puke on both of you.

bubblebutt-n-tea: :(

try.me.bitch: Okay just spit

bubblebutt-n-tea: :((

try.me.bitch: K just on Jongin

bubblebutt-n-tea: :(((

try.me.bitch: K I won’t

bubblebutt-n-tea: :)♥

try.me.bitch: ...♥

the-main-hoe: STOP INTERRUPTING ME!

coffee.prince: THEN JUST TELL YOUR STORY

the-main-hoe: ...k geez. So this hoe. THIS HOE. This fucking hoe says, oh sorry I didn’t know, not like yall are relevant anymore.

jurassic.troll: Wtf?! Sorry we’re not on your level barista girl.

try.me.bitch: What starbucks was this and whats her name.

master.yeolda: SHE SAID WHAT?! Bitch about to catch these hands

hips-dont lie: The disrespect.

bubblebutt-n-tea: What a bitch 

uni-sheep: I have no words.

your-angel-mother: Kids, calm down. Not every single person in the world will like us. It’s okay

coffee.prince: Yeah Juns right. Her being rude doesnt make us any less relevant.

bubblebutt-n-tea: But… :(

hips-dont-lie: Butt? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

bubblebutt-n-tea: Nini >/////<

your-angel-mother: Jongin.

hips-dont-lie: Hm?

try.me.bitch: Don’t.

the-main-hoe: Stop being so politically correct Junmyeon n Minseok hyung! This bitch insulted your guys little brothers AND you! This bitch also said something way worse but Imma keep that 2 myself.

uni-sheep: What did she say?

the-main-hoe: Not important

jurassic.troll: Dafuq did she say that’s so bad YOU won’t say it

coffee.prince: Yeah, if you want me and jun to agree tell us

the-main-hoe: I’m not saying god damn it!

bubblebutt-n-tea: Baek hyung pleaseeeee~

the-main-hoe: Hunnie, no.

bubblebutt-n-tea: :((((

the-main-hoe: No.

your-angel-mother: That bad?

the-main-hoe: Yeah

try.me.bitch: Baekhyun. Tell us. Now.

master.yeolda: Oh shit satan has spoken

the-main-hoe: FINE! This bitch said…

the-main-hoe: ….

hips-dont-lie: OMFG WILL YOU JUST TELL US

the-main-hoe: She said NONE OF US ARE EVEN GOOD LOOKING

coffee.prince: Oh nooooo. -.-

your-angel-mother: Seriously Baek, who cares

hips-dont-lie: SHE SAID WHAT?!

uni-sheep: Apparently Jongin cares

the-main-hoe: SEE?! 

hips-dont-lie: THIS RANDOM ASS BARISTA HOE HAD THE BALLS TO CALL MY HUNNIE UGLY?!

your-angel-mother: I never thought about it like that. Okay I’m in. She will not insult my precious little child.

try.me.bitch: Baek you better bring me to her. Im gonna kill that bitch.

uni-sheep: Time to sharpen the blades. No one calls my husband ugly.

hips-dont-lie: Stop. Coming. For. My. Man.

bubblebutt-n-tea: Guys it’s okay I’m not the best looking guy here. I mean. Look at Jongin ♥

hips-dont-lie: Babe♥ but seriously. Insult me all you want. Insult exo all you want. But no one comes for my baby.

the-main-hoe: YES and also all of us?! LOOK AT ME! I am beautiful! I’m the reincarnation of a greek god!

jurassic.troll: More like goddess…

master.yeolda: More like no.

coffee.prince: More like hell no.

the-main-hoe: Why are you roasting me?!

your-angel-mother: Bc you’re a drama queen

master.yeolda: Holy fuck even Jun hyung roasted you.

uni-sheep: I think Baek is cute

the-main-hoe: Thanks xing ♥

hips-dont-lie: Fuckboy

bubblebutt-n-tea: Baek hyung is lovely♥

the-main-hoe: Aww Hunnie baby ♥

hips-dont-lie: My little angel :’)

uni-sheep: Fuck you.

master.yeolda: I’m surprised Soo hasn’t roasted Baek yet.

try.me.bitch: Never fight with an ugly person. They have nothing to lose. 

jurassic.troll: Holy Shit. #BaekIsOverParty


	2. KINKSPOSING

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> uni-sheep: :))))

EXHOES

 

Today 17:29

  


your-angel-mother: Guys whose house can I stay at tonight?

 

hips-dont-lie: Not mine, cause… ya know ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

bubblebutt-n-tea: ./////.

 

your-angel-mother: Yeah that’s exactly what my neighbors have been doing ever

since the guy got back from somewhere…

 

jurassic.troll: So you are telling me, you gotta stay somewhere else because your neighbors are having sex?

 

your-angel-mother: Yes.

 

the-main-hoe: ….

 

master.yeolda: ….

 

the-main-hoe: HAHAHAHHAHAHAH

 

master.yeolda: BITCH I CANT HAHAHAHHAHA

 

coffee.prince: Guys its not funny…

 

coffee.prince: Jun is obviously experiencing symptoms of no-booty-disease

 

your-angel-mother: Fuck all yall.

 

uni-sheep: Honestly tho how bad can it be. Are you sure you dont just need to get laid?

 

your-angel-mother: As if you get laid.

 

uni-sheep: I CAN get laid, I’m just saving up all my love for Hunnie ;)

 

hips-dont-lie: I WILL CUT YOU

 

try.me.bitch: When was the last time you actually had sex?

 

jurassic.troll: Shit even our home boy Satan is wondering.

 

bubblebutt-n-tea: Guys leave jun hyung alone

 

your-angel-mother: Thanks Sehun

 

hips-dont-lie: Oh come on babe you can't tell me you aren't curious

 

bubblebutt-n-tea: Maybe a little…

 

your-angel-mother: You too Sehun?

 

bubblebutt-ne-tea: Sorry hyung :(

 

coffee.prince: So?

 

your-angel-mother: It might have been a couple months since I last had sex…

 

hips-dont-lie: Can’t relate.

 

the-main-hoe: Lololol Jun hyung is living in celibacy

 

your-angel-mother: Yeah, yeah whatever roast me all you want. Can I please stay at one of you guyses just like for a night?

 

uni-sheep: If I don’t get Sehun in my bed tonight, you can crash at my place.

 

hips-dont-lie: So you’re staying at Yixings.

 

uni-sheep: How you know, maybe Hunnie finally wants to get some prime Chinese hunk.

 

hips-dont-lie: He doesn’t

 

bubblebutt-n-tea: I only want Nini ♥

 

uni-sheep: For now ;)

 

bubblebutt-n-tea: Wtf .///.

 

hips-dont-lie: HUNNIE WHY ARE YOU BLUSHING

 

bubblebutt-n-tea: im flustered…

 

your-angel-mother: So I can stay at your place Yixing?

 

uni-sheep: Sure… ;)

 

your-angel-mother: What is happening?

 

hips-dont-lie: F U C K B O I

 

master.yeolda: Yixing looking for booty everywhere like

 

master.yeolda: 

 

coffee.prince: Don’t drag Obama into this

 

try.me.bitch: Well at least Jun hyung is finally gonna get laid

 

your-angel-mother: How could you Soo. Even you.

 

try.me.bitch: You set yourself up for failure hyung

 

your-angel-mother: 

 

the-main-hoe: Funny how Kyungsoo is acting like he is getting any booty

 

try.me.bitch: Bitch please if I wanted I would have you naked on my bed in like 5 min

 

jurassic.troll: So the first person you think about pounding is Baek? Interesting ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

master.yeolda: Interesting ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

hips-dont-lie: Hmmmm ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

your-angel-mother: ...oh what the hell

 

your-angel-mother: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

coffee.prince: Guys do you smell that?

 

coffee.prince: Smells like a new ship ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

bubblebutt-n-tea: A NEW OTP HAS RISEN

 

bubblebutt-n-tea: 

 

uni-sheep: Get it Soo ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) Get it

 

uni-sheep: 

 

try.me.bitch: Oh yall really wanna try me?

 

jurassic.troll: I dont see you denying anything ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

try.me.bitch: No need to deny something that I wouldn’t even do if I had dick-cancer and Baekhyuns ass was the only cure

 

master.yeolda: YIKES

 

your-angel-mother:

 

the-main-hoe: MOTHER HOW COULD YOU

 

the-main-hoe: ALSO WHO SAYS I WANT HIM TO POUND ME?!

 

coffee.prince: 

 

try.me.bitch: PUHLEASE you want me to dick you so bad, you would let me tie and gag you up

 

the-main-hoe: AS IF, I wouldnt even let you touch me with a whip

 

jurassic.troll: Kyungsoo BDSM kink detected

 

master.yeolda: Baekhyun Dom/Sub kink detected

 

bubblebutt-n-tea: Holy shit .///////.

 

your-angel-mother: STOP CORRUPTING SEHUNS INNOCENCE

 

hips-dont-lie: Sehun ain’t innocent ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

hips-dont-lie: Isn’t that so Hunnie? You’re a good boy for me aren’t you? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

jurassic.troll: WHAT THE

 

the-main-hoe: BITCH I CHOCKED

 

master.yeolda: JFOAHDFSDJF JONGIN DID THAT

 

bubblebutt-n-tea has left the group

 

your-angel-mother: 

 

 

try.me.bitch: Sehun… my little baby brother…

 

coffee.prince: 

 

the-main-hoe: Sehun: 

 

uni-sheep: Hunnie seems pretty upset….

 

uni-sheep: Someone should.. comfort him ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

hips-dont-lie: What.

 

uni-sheep: Sorry boys, gotta run! Jongin, always a pleasure ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

hips-dont-lie: WHAT THE FUCK SORRY HYUNGS GOTTA GO SAVE MY BABY BOY

 

master.yeolda: Xing: 

 

your-angel-mother: Literally how did we get from me just wanting to stay at someone elses place to kinksposing…

 

jurassic.troll: KINK S P O SI NG

 

jurassic.troll: BITCH THE FUCK

 

master.yeolda: TRIGERRED

 

try.me.bitch: Not cool hyung… seriously.

 

your-angel-mother: I hate you all, I’m staying at my own place

 

your-angel-mother has changed the groupname to Backstabbers

 

try.me.bitch: Not dramatic at all

  


Today 18:14

 

hips-dont-lie: MIN HYUNG ADD SEHUN BACK INTO THE GROUP

 

hips-dont-lie: HE WON’T OPEN THE DOOR OR ANSWER MY CALLS OR TEXTS

 

coffee.prince: Maybe you shouldn’t have exposed your own boyfriend.

 

hips-dont-lie: HYUNG PLEASE I’M BEGGING YOU

 

uni-sheep: Sorry Jongin, Hunnie doesn’t wanna see you right now :)

 

hips-dont-lie: WAIT WHAT

 

uni-sheep: He’s mortified and wants to be alone rn

 

uni-sheep: Well not completely alone :))

 

the-main-hoe: BIIIIIIITCH HE DID IT

 

hips-dont-lie: WHAT NO YOURE FUCKING WITH ME

 

 _ **uni-sheep:**_ Oh you think so?

 

uni-sheep: 

 

uni-sheep: :)))

 

jurassic.troll: SHIT BITCH HE HAS RECEIPTS

 

hips-dont-lie has let the group

 

uni-sheep: :)))))

 

try.me.bitch: This group is highly dysfunctional and dramtic

  


Today 22:37

 

your-angel-mother: I got soundproof headphones. The money I spent on these hurts less then going through anymore of this.

 


	3. KimJonginsFuneral

_Backstabbers_

_Today 7/18/18, 10:25 am_

_your-angel-mother added hips-don-lie and bubblebutt-n-tea_

_hips-dont-lie has changed the group name to #EndZhangYixing_

_hips-dont-lie changed their name to baby-cum-back_

 

try.me.bitch: Still being dramatic I see. Your new name is utterly disgusting btw

 

baby-cum-back: SHUT IT HYUNG!

 

try.me.bitch: What.

 

baby-cum-back: (sorry hyung please dont kill me ♥)

 

baby-cum-back: ITS BEEN A WHOLE FUCKING DAY AND I HAVENT HEARD FROM MY BABY

 

baby-cum-back: WHAT IS THAT FUCKER DOING TO HUNNIE

 

uni-sheep: You rang?

 

baby-cum-back: WHERE IS SEHUN

 

uni-sheep: In the bedroom :))

 

master.yeolda: 

 

baby-cum-back: WHAT

 

baby-cum-back: I CANT BELIEVE YOU WOULD CHEAT ON ME @bubblebutt-n-tea

 

baby-cum-back: I AM DISGUSTED BY YOU AND WE ARE SO OVER

 

_baby-cum-back changed their name to single-and-salty_

 

your-angel-mother: Jongin I wouldn’t do that if I were you

 

coffee.prince: How about you hear Sehun out first

 

single-and-salty: I heard everything I needed to hear. I’m going out to get me a new man

 

uni-sheep: Holy shit.

 

the-main-hoe: Don’t holy shit us the fuk happened

 

jurassic.troll: Yeah man you broke up our otp

 

try.me.bitch: What did you do to my baby brother

 

uni-sheep: I DIDNT DO ANYTHING! I SWEAR

 

coffee.prince: Didn’t you just say Sehun’s in the bedroom?

 

uni-sheep: Yeah he is, he’s sleeping I believe. I slept on the couch no worries

 

jurassic.troll: But you stayed there overnight?

 

uni-sheep: Ofc Hunnie was upset

 

your-angel-mother: He was? AND I DIDNT COMFORT MY BABY?!

 

your-angel-mother: 

  


bubblebutt-n-tea: Hey im awake what did I miss?

 

the-main-hoe: DON’T READ THE CHAT

 

bubblebutt-n-tea: ….

 

bubblebutt-n-tea: Did Nini really leave me…

 

jurassic.troll: Yeah, he onsdfjmsdlfmlslfm

 

master.yeolda: Wtf?

 

jurassic.troll: MINN HYNG ATTACKHIN EG ME

 

coffee.prince: Don’t worry Hunnie, I bet he was just upset and jealous. He didn’t mean it.

 

your-angel-mother: Hunnie are you okay?

 

uni-sheep: @single-and-salty YOU GET YOUR CRUSTY ASS BACK HERE HOW DARE YOU MAKE SEHUN CRY

 

the-main-hoe: WHAT. KIM JONGIN YOU’RE DEAD

 

your-angel-mother: That’s it. My baby needs me I’m coming over.

 

coffee.prince: Pick me up on the way. Our little baby needs us

 

jurassic.troll: Me too!

 

master.yeolda: I have a drama shooting Im so sorry :((((((((((((((( take care of Sehun

 

the-main-hoe: Im already omw. Im coming Hunnie!!!

 

your-angel-mother: Everyone I’m picking up better be ready and outside in 2 mins.

 

coffee.prince: Shouldn’t Kyungsoo be the first one there? Where is he anyways, Sehun is his fave?

 

_try.me.bitch has changed the group name to KimJonginsFuneral_

 

master.yeolda: Oh shit. Jongin is dead for reals.

  
  


_GROUPCHAT: BEAGLES_

_Today 7/18/18, 01:57 pm_

 

jurassic.troll: OMFG YEOL BISH I CANT BELIEVE YOU MISSED !THAT!

 

master.yeaolda: WHAT DID I MISS WHAT

 

the-main-hoe: I AM SHOOK BITCH

 

the-main-hoe: 

 

master.yeolda: TELL ME YOU HOES also IS HUNNIE OKAY

 

jurassic.troll: OKAY BITCCHH YOU BETTER LISTEN CLOSELY

 

the-main-hoe: WE WERE ALL AT HUNNIE AND THE SNAKES PLACE

 

the-main-hoe: CHEERING HUNNIE UP YA KNOW AND CUDDLING HIM

 

the-main-hoe: WHEN SUDDENLY OOMPF DOOR SLAMS OPEN

  


the-main-hoe: WE ALL ON THE READY LIKE

 

the-main-hoe: 

  


master.yeolda: WHO WAS IT

 

jurassic.troll: BITCH ITS SOO AND GUESS WHAT

 

master.yeolda: WHAT BITCH WHAT

 

jurassic.troll: HE DRAGGING A BARELY ALIVE JONGIN WITH HIM

 

master.yeolda: NOOOOOOO

 

master.yeolda: 

 

master.yeolda: WHAT IS HAPPENING

 

jurassic.troll: BITCH HE WALKS ABOUT TO OUR BIG SEHUNG NEST

 

jurassic.troll: DROPS THE SNAKE BY HUNS FEET AND JUST TELLS HIM TALK

 

jurassic.troll: WE’RE ALL OUT THERE LIKE

 

jurassic.troll: 

 

master.yeolda: WHAT DID HUN DO MAN WAS HE AIGHT

 

the-main-hoe: BITCH NO HE WASNT HE LOCKED HIMSELF INTO THE BEDROOM AGAIN

 

master.yeolda: AND THEN?

 

the-main-hoe: WE DONT KNOW SOO KICKED US ALL OUT SO THEY COULD MAKE UP

 

master.yeolda: SHIT GUYS JONGIN BETTER MEND HUNS HEART OR HE DEAD FOR REAL

  


_My One and Only ♥_

_Today 7/18/18, 02:05 pm_

_single-and-salty changed their name to take-me-back_

 

take-me-back: Hunnie

 

bubblebutt-n-tea: No.

 

take-me-back: Baby please forgive me I was being an idiot

 

bubblebutt-n-tea: Dont you dare baby me Jongin!

 

bubblebutt-n-tea: You left me! You accused me! You hurt me!

 

take-me-back: Hunnie please I was really jelly, you know i love you more than life

 

bubblebutt-n-tea: Do you? DO YOU? Werent you just out and about trying to find a new bf?!

 

take-me-back: I swear I didn’t! I was just at our booth in the boba shop

 

bubblebutt-n-tea: DOES THAT CHANGE THE FACT THAT YOU BROKE MY HEART?! DONT THINK SO

 

take-me-back: Oh come on baby, you also threw a tantrum when they forced me to fake-date Krystal

 

bubblebutt-n-tea: Hmmmmm I did, didn’t I? But let me think for a second

 

bubblebutt-n-tea: Did I break up with you?

 

bubblebutt-n-tea: Did I call you disgusting?

 

bubblebutt-n-tea: Did I go out to find myself a new man?

 

bubblebutt-n-tea: I believe the answer to all of those IS NO!

 

take-me-back: Please I am begging you Hunnie, my angel my entire world.

 

take-me-back: I love you.

 

bubblebutt-n-tea: 

 

take-me-back: Baby please open the door let me hold you

 

bubblebutt-n-tea: No

 

take-me-back: Baby, pleaseee

 

bubblebutt-n-tea: No!

  
  


_Puppy hyung_

_Today 7/18/18, 02:19 pm_

 

take-me-back: BAEK HYUNG!

 

the-main-hoe: What do you want snake

 

take-me-back: How do you pick a lock with chopstick

 

the-main-hoe: Oh first you dump Hunnie and now you gonna harass him?!

 

take-me-back: HYUNG PLEASE I CANT FUNCTION WITHOUT MY BABY

 

the-main-hoe: Fine only bc I want Hunnie to be happy

 

the-main-hoe: creeperlife.mp4

 

take-me-back: THANK YOU HYUNG!! YOURE MY HERO

  
  


_My One and Only ♥_

 

bubblebutt-n-tea: ARE YOU BREAKING INTO THE ROOM?!

 

take-me-back: 

  


bubblebutt-n-tea: DONT YOU DARE USE GRAVITY FALLS TO CHANGE THE SUBJECT

 

bubblebutt-n-tea: DONT OPEN THAT DOOR! I DONT WANNA SEE YOU!

 

bubblebutt-n-tea: NO GO BACK OUT

 

take-me-back: No more texting, time for some supreme apologizing

  


_KimJonginsFuneral_

_Today 7/18/18, 02:39 pm_

 

the-main-hoe: Jongin asked me how to pick a lock with chopsticks

 

the-main-hoe: So is he in?

 

try.me.bitch: He’s in. Sehunnie’s yelling at him.

 

jurassic.troll: GIVE US THE LIVE TEA

 

try.me.bitch: No.

 

coffee.prince: Kyungsoo as your hyung: Tell us.

 

try.me.bitch: 

 

try.me.bitch: “No Jongin, no! You broke my heart and you broke up with me because YOU were jealous!”

 

try.me.bitch: “I know baby, I’m the biggest idiot in this world, but I’m an idiot who loves you more than anything! I love you more than dogs or chicken, you’re my everything!”

 

mastr.yeolda: HOly shit

 

jurassic.troll: 

 

your-angel-mother: More THAN DOGS AND CHICKEN

 

try.me.bitch: “Do you think that’s enough for me to forgive you?! Guess what you ass I also love you more than anything, but you don’t see me breaking up with you, do you?!

 

the-main-hoe: 

 

try.me.bitch: “Because you are so much smarter than me, baby. I am just completely head over heels stupid for you.”

 

master.yeolda: Why am I actually tearing up

 

uni-sheep: Omfg our youngests love each other so much

 

coffee.prince: 

 

jurassic.troll: It’s cute and all but also

 

jurassic.troll: 

 

try.me.bitch: “Do you really think you can sweet talk your way out of this?!”

 

the-main-hoe: 

  


master.yeolda: 

 

try.me.bitch: Guys I think Jongin is actually crying

 

jurassic.troll: Receipts or it didn’t happen

 

try.me.bitch: The fuck? Do you expect me to go in and snap a picture?

 

master.yeolda: Kyungsoo use your satan powers for the tea

 

try.me.bitch: 

 

try.me.bitch: I just did that.

 

coffee.prince: The fuck is that face.

 

your-angel-mother: I would usually say don’t talk about my children that way but… he ugly

 

try.me.bitch: “You trying to win my sympathy by crying?! It’s not working”

 

uni-sheep: He lying.

 

try.me.bitch: “I’m not Hunnie, it’s just… if you don’t take me back, I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to do without you.”

 

the-main-hoe: SHIT IM CRYINNNNG

 

your-angel-mother: THEY BETTER MAKE UP OR YOU ARE DEAD YIXING

 

try.me.bitch: Yup.

 

uni-sheep: What.

 

try.me.bitch: “Don’t say that!”

 

try.me.bitch: “I’m so sorry Sehun, if you want to break up for good I won’t bother you anymore.”

 

coffee.prince: NO FUCK NO THIS IS NOT HAPPENING! KYUNGSOO DO SOMETHING RIGHT NOW!

 

try.me.bitch: “Stop talking like that… Don’t leave me I love you!”

 

master.yeolda: YES! YES! SEKAI SHALL RISE FROM YIXINGS CORPSE

 

try.me.bitch: “Hunnie, baby please forgive me. I love you so much, I just got crazy at the thought of someone else taking you away. I know it’s stupid but I just… Sehun if you ever left me I…”

 

try.me.bitch: He’s sobbing

 

jurassic.troll: Hunnie take him back 

 

the-main-hoe: WE KNOW HE IS THE DUMBEST OF THEM ALL BUT PLEASE HUNNIE COME THROUGH

try.me.bitch: “You are such a dumbass Jongin… I will never LEAVE YOU”

 

try.me.bitch: Sorry the caps at the end was me… I just… finally.

 

try.me.bitch: They’re kissing and crying and hugging.

 

your-angel-mother: YES! 

 

the-main-hoe: 

 

_jurassic.troll has changed the group name to ProtectSeKai_

 

try.me.bitch: Oh shit I’m out of here.

 

master.yeolda: Why?

 

uni-sheep: What’s going on? They fighting again?

 

try.me.bitch: No they’re starting to… celebrate their love

 

your-angel-mother: Did not need to know that.

 

coffee.prince: Gotta blast.

 

the-main-hoe: Awkward boner.

 

jurassic.troll: Bye.

  
  
  


_ProtectSeKai_

_Today 7/18/18, 08:01 pm_

_take-me-back changed their name to hunnies-hubby_

_bubblebutt-n-tea changed their name to ninis-baby_

 

hunnies-hubby: :)♥

 

ninis-baby: Hi hyungs ♥

 

ninis-baby: Before anything.. Thank you guys for the comfort♥

 

ninis-baby: I love you all so much (◕ᴗ◕) ♥

 

hunnies-hubby: Yes hyungs, thanks for taking care of my baby and putting me in my place. You guys are the best hyungs we could have ♥

 

the-main-hoe: Anyone cutting onions around here? No? I’m just an emotional bitch?

 

jurassic.troll: Someone’s defo cutting onions

 

master.yeolda: What? I’m not crying. You’re crying.

 

your-angel-mother: Hell yes I’m crying. My children are so beautiful ♥

 

ninis-baby: No hyung, you guys are ♥

 

ninis-baby: @try.me.bitch Soo hyung.. thank you so much for fixing us and always protecting me ♥ you’re more than just my hyung, your my soulmate ♥

 

ninis-baby: Nini you know how I mean it right?

 

hunnies-hubby: I know Hunnie ♥ I love you♥

 

ninis-baby: I love you too ♥

 

try.me.bitch: Hunnie…

 

jurassic.troll: HOLY SHIT SOO IS CRYING

 

try.me.bitch: I’m not my eyes are just sweating

 

ninis-baby: Hyung :( ♥ come over and lets cuddle?

 

jurassic.troll: OMFG Soo came over to hang earlier and he just BLASTED YALL

 

jurassic.troll: No goodbye nothing

 

coffee.prince: Our satan has a soft spot for the baby♥

 

the-main-hoe: We all do tbh

 

uni-sheep: Jongin, you’re not expecting me to completely stop flirting with Hun do you?

 

hunnies-hubby: Nah, it would be weird if you suddenly stopped being a fuckboy

 

uni-sheep: Ok then, truce?

 

hunnies-hubby: Truce

 


	4. Sleepover

your-ange-mother has changed the group name to TheFam

 

your-angel-mother: Sup fam?

 

jurassic.troll: Ew. No.

 

the-main-hoe: Junmyeon is cancelled.

 

your-angel-mother: Why? Isn’t that the slang kids nowadays use?

 

master.yeolda: Yeah if your lit and shit, you may you use slang. But that was lame af.

 

your-angel-mother: Af?

 

hunnies-hubby: As fuck.

 

your-angel-mother: Jongin watch your language

 

hunnies-hubbie: dafuq…

 

your-angel-mother: Da what?

 

ninis-baby: Hyung af means as fuck. And dafuq is short for What the fuck

 

your-angel-mother: I thought wtf was short for what the fuck

 

try.me.bitch: Jongin, Hunnie don’t bother. June is too old to learn all this.

 

jurassic.troll: Yeah June ain’t woke kids, just fuck it

 

uni-sheep: How about yall leave him alone?

 

your-angel-mother: Thank you Yixing :)

 

hunnies-hubby: *cough*thirsty*cough*

 

coffee.prince: But everything aside June, you should know the basics like dafuq and af. Even us elderly folks should know the basics

 

ninis-baby: Anyways Jun hyung did you want to tell us something?

 

the-main-hoe: I don’t know if he wanted to tell us something, but I know that he should.

 

your-angel-mother: What?

 

coffee.prince: Yeah what??

 

the-main-hoe: Hmm I don’t know, maybe something about the fact that our dear leader has been sleeping at Yixings for, oh i dont know. 6 DAYS!

 

master.yeolda: 

 

hunnies-hubby: 

 

your-angel-mother: Ummm….

 

uni-sheep: 

 

jurassic.troll: Are yall… having intercourse or something?

 

your-angel-mother: No.

 

uni-sheep: Yes.

 

ninis-baby: 

 

uni-sheep: I’m sorry Sehun, baby I had to move on.

 

your-angel-mother: Yixing stop spreading lies. No we did not have intercourse.

 

jurassic.troll: Hm. It’s Juns word versus Xings word, I chose to believe Xing because its more entertaining

 

hunnies-hubby: Babe, why are you bothered by this

 

uni-sheep: Because deep down in his heart, Sehun always knew he wanted me

 

ninis-baby: I feel betrayed.

 

hunnies-hubby: What.

 

uni-sheep: I knew it.

 

coffee.prince: Damn it Sehun we just got you two back together

 

ninis-baby: What? No I feel betrayed by June hyung.

 

hunnies-hubby: What?!

 

uni-sheep: What?!

 

your-angel-mother: Yeah once again… what?

 

ninis-baby: I used to be your roommate hyung :( You always say you are the closest with me, why does Baekkie hyung know this and I don’t

 

hunnies-hubby: Oh… thank god.

 

uni-sheep: Preach

 

the-main-hoe: Xing is such a hoe.

 

try.me.bitch: Seriously dude chose an ass to go after

 

uni-sheep: I did chose. Both.

 

your-angel-mother: I didn’t tell you, because it’s nothing special. The couple upstairs actually had such wild intercourse that my overhead lighting feel and broke my tv. There was glas and other junk everywhere, so I stayed at Yixings until my place was ready to stay at again.

 

ninis-baby: Okay, that’s acceptable.

 

uni-sheep: So you weren’t jealous?

 

ninis-baby: No I was. Of Baekkie hyung. Also because Baekkie hyung didn’t tell me till now.

 

the-main-hoe: Sorry baby, I wanted to make a big dramatic announcement

 

coffee.prince: Oh wow. What a surprise. Baekhyun wanted to be dramatic.

 

try.me.bitch: Whatever, speaking of sleepovers Sehun when are you coming here?

 

uni-sheep: I’m sorry what? Jongin? Do something? Please?

 

hunnies-hubby: Do what? I’m not bothered :)

 

jurassic.troll: Clearly.

 

try.me.bitch: Jongin are you bothered? I hope not, Sehun was my baby brother before he was your boyfriend, and I wouldn’t want there to be any… tension between you and me ((:

 

master.yeolda: I just felt a shiver run down my spine. Jongin you better act quickly now, before you die.

 

ninis-baby: Nini you’re bothered :(?

 

hunnies-hubby: What? No, I told you I am not bothered. I am fine, I am good. Actually Sehun get ready, I’ll drive you.

 

the-main-hoe: Sehun? Shiiiiiiiit, he is bothered.

 

coffe.prince: On a scale of 1 to 10, Jongin is at an 11. Yixing is probably at a 13

 

your-angel-mother: Guys stop, if Jongin says he isn’t bothered, he isn’t

 

hunnies-hubby: Thank you.

 

your-angel-mother: Even though he clearly is.

 

uni-sheep: How about we have a big sleepover and it’s not just the two of you :) Yall are too close for my liking anyways. Hunnie what do you say?

 

try.me.bitch: What.

 

uni-sheep: Nothing.

 

ninis-baby: You know, I might be everyones baby, but I have my own opinions you know, so Jongin. How about you trust me once in a while? (: And Yixing hyung, I can be as close as I want to my best friend. So how about everyone that isn’t me or Soo hyung stays out of OUR plans (((((((:

 

hunnies-hubby: You are right, I’m sorry baby :( I just get jealous bc I miss you when you’re gone overnight. But you are still right, sorry.

 

uni-sheep: Sorry Hunnie.

 

jurassic.troll: Sehun can be lowkey terrifying if he suddenly gets serious.

 

try.me.bitch: I am so proud.

 

ninis-baby: Thanks Soo hyung ♥

 

try.me.bitch: ♥

 

your-angel-mother: Honestly such an odd twosome, but they work together so well. I ship it.

 

coffee.prince: Dito.

 

ninis-baby: Anyways, Soo hyung I’m coming over now ♥ And even tho it was said for the wrong reasons, we should all really have a sleepover together one of these days :)))

 

master.yeolda: Oh helllllll yeah, I’m in. Let’s do it at our place! Dae, Baek?

 

the-main-hoe: Yasssss hoe

 

jurassic.troll: You know it.

 

hunnies-hubby: Let’s do it this weekend!

 

coffee.prince: Sounds good, I’m free.

 

your-angel-mother: I just checked, I’m also available.

 

uni-sheep: If Sehun and Junmyeon are there, so am I ;)

 

try.me.bitch: Even though our reasons couldn’t be more different, if Sehun wants this I will make the time.

 

ninis-baby: Yeaayyyyy can’t wait (◕ᴗ◕)

 

coffee.prince: Look at this. Once again the maknae brings us all together

 

ninis-baby: That’s my job (◕ᴗ◕)


	5. Traveling Words

**_Mr. Stole My Boy_ **

 

**_uni-sheep:_ ** Oi asshole. I need your advice

 

**_hunnies-hubby:_ ** Dafuq do you want fuckboi

 

**_uni-sheep:_ ** How do you get yourself a guy?

 

**_hunnies-hubby:_ ** BOI if you think I’m gonna give you advice to get my man, you gonna catch these hands.

 

**_uni-sheep:_ ** It’s not Hunnie.

 

**_hunnies-hubby:_ ** What.

 

**_uni-sheep:_ ** It’s Junmyeon.

 

**_hunnies-hubby:_ ** WHAT REALLY?! You were not just fucking around?

 

**_uni-sheep:_ ** I was. But after the time he slept over at my place..

 

**_hunnies-hubby:_ ** Yeah? What are you in love?

 

**_uni-sheep:_ ** What?! No that’s wayyyyyyyyyy ahead, but I might ya know. Like him or smth

 

**_hunnies-hubby:_ ** Wow what lukewarm sentiment.

 

**_uni-sheep:_ ** Stfu. So you used to be a dumbass fuckboi before Hunnie got you whipped.

 

**_hunnies-hubby:_ ** I am not whipped.

 

**_uni-sheep:_ ** Bitch please. Sehun sneezed once yesterday at practice and you dragged him home and rolled him up in a blanket burrito and nursed him all day.

 

**_hunnies-hubby:_ ** That’s not being whipped, that’s simply caring for my boyfriend.

 

**_uni-sheep:_ ** Read your name.

 

**_hunnies-hubby:_ **

 

**_hunnies-hubby:_ ** You got me there asshole. I might be a little whipped.

 

**_uni-sheep:_ ** So as a former fuckboi, howd you settle down.

 

**_hunnies-hubby:_ ** Simple. No booty in this whole wide fucking world is worth losing or hurting Hunnie over.

 

**_uni-sheep:_ ** So to sum up no booty is worth more than that one special booty.

 

**_hunnies-hubby:_ ** Bingo bongo idiot.

 

**_uni-sheep:_ ** Okay so now to the technicalities. How do I approach him in a non-fuckboy way?

 

**_hunnies-hubby:_ ** Ahhhh see this is where it gets tricky. Because everyone already know you’re a fuckboy Jun is prolly not gonna take you seriously. So just be committed.

 

**_uni-sheep:_ ** Committed? 

 

**_hunnies-hubby:_ ** Yes committed. Don’t spend time with anyone else, get him gifts, shower him in affection and compliments. Invest all your energy into him and only him.

 

**_uni-sheep:_ ** That sounds intense. Are you sure this is the right way to go?

 

**_hunnies-hubby:_ ** Listen do you want one more ass or an actual boyfriend?

 

**_uni-sheep:_ ** I guess I want a boyfriend.

 

**_hunnies-hubby:_ ** FINALLY YOU WILL LEAVE MY MAN ALONE

 

**_hunnies-hubby:_ ** I mean, so happy you are looking for a committed relationship.

 

**_uni-sheep:_ ** Suuuuuuuure. Also don’t spill this shit to ANYONE not even Sehun. Promise?

 

**_hunnies-hubby:_ ** Promise.

  
  
  
  


**_My One and Only ❤_ **

 

**_hunnies-hubby:_ ** BABY BABY I HAVE SOMETHING TO TELL YOU

 

**_ninis-baby:_ ** Oooooooh you have tea?

 

**_hunnies-hubby:_ ** BOILING HOT TEA BABY

 

**_ninis-baby:_ ** Tell me babe!

 

**_hunnies-hubby:_ ** The fuckboi likes mom.

 

**_ninis-baby:_ ** Noooooooooo wayyyyyyyyy

 

**_ninis-baby:_ **

 

**_hunnies-hubby:_ ** YES.

 

**_ninis-baby:_ ** NOOOOOOOOO

 

**_ninis-baby:_ **

 

**_hunnies-hubby:_ ** YESSSSSS

 

**_ninis-baby:_ ** HOOOOW WHEN 

 

**_hunnies-hubby:_ ** HE JUST TOLD ME. HE STARTED LIKING HIM WHEN THEY HAD THE SLEEPOVERS

 

**_ninis-baby:_ ** BABBEEEEEEEEEEEE OH MY GOD. LETS HELP

 

**_hunnies-hubby:_ ** Don’t worry baby I already did.

 

**_ninis-baby:_ ** Ohhhhh boy what did you say.

 

**_hunnies-hubby:_ ** What do you mean ohhhh boy, for your information I gave some excellent advice. Here see for yourself.

 

**_hunnies-hubby:_ ** [Screenshot3478]

 

**_ninis-baby:_ ** NINI!

 

**_hunnies-hubby:_ ** What?

 

**_ninis-baby:_ ** THAT WAS TERRIBLE ADVICE

 

**_hunnies-hubby:_ ** HOW?! I DID THAT WITH YOU AND IT WORKED?!

 

**_ninis-baby:_ ** NO IT DIDN’T! I FINALLY STARTED LIKING YOU WHEN YOU CUT ALL THAT CRAP AND JUST TREATED ME LIKE A NORMAL PERSON!

 

**_hunnies-hubby:_ ** You mean when we just hung out like friends? 

 

**_ninis-baby:_ ** Yes.

 

**_hunnies-hubby:_ ** But… why?

 

**_ninis-baby:_ ** Bc that’s when we discovered all the things we have in common and when I realised how lovely and sweet you are. And how attracted I am to you, when you aren’t creeping on me 24/7. Like Jongin you are hot, sweet, funny and we have great chemistry, but I never noticed any of that until you were just your normal self.

 

**_hunnies-hubby:_ ** OH MAN MY ADVICE WAS GARBAGE

 

**_ninis-baby:_ ** THAT’S WHAT I’M TELLING YOU! I GOTTA TALK TO YIXING HYUNG

 

**_hunnies-hubby:_ ** YOU CAN’T I PROMISED NOT TO TELL ANYONE

 

**_ninis-baby:_ ** IDC YOU ARE GONNA WRECK THEIR RELATIONSHIP BEFORE THEY EVEN HAVE ONE. JONGIN IF THIS FLOPS XING HYUNG IS GONNA BE BACK TO CREEPING ON ME, PROBABLY EVEN HARDER THAN BEFORE TO DO YOU WANT THAT?!

 

**_hunnies-hubby:_ ** GO TALK TO HIM, QUICK BABY QUICK.

 

**_ninis-baby:_ ** I AM GOING. NEVER GIVE ADVICE EVER AGAIN

 

**_hunnies-hubby:_ ** NEVER AGAIN, I SWEAR.

  
  
  


**_Thirsty Unicorn_ **

 

**_ninis-baby:_ ** Xing hyung forget every bit of advice Jongin gave you.

 

**_uni-sheep:_ ** Why did I ever bother to have him promise.

 

**_ninis-baby:_ ** I actually don’t know either.

 

**_uni-sheep:_ ** So throw everything he said in the trash?

 

**_ninis-baby:_ ** Yes. His advice is literal trash. Never ask Jongin for advice about anything that isn’t food or dancing. 

 

**_ninis-baby:_ ** Or sex.

 

_ Delete this message?  _ **_Yes_ **

 

**_ninis-baby:_ ** _ This message was deleted _

 

**_uni-sheep:_ ** What was that?

 

**_ninis-baby:_ ** Nothing. ANYWAY don’t do any of the shit Nini said. I love him, but when he did all that I was literally running away from him. All you have to do is be casual.

 

**_uni-sheep:_ ** Casual? How?

 

**_ninis-baby:_ ** Yeah. Hang out with him and talk to him a lot, but don’t flirt or make any moves. Just be boyfriend material. Also don’t sleep around or thirst after others 

 

**_uni-sheep:_ ** No thirsting? No flirting? No making moves? Seems like a one-way ticket to no booty-town.

 

**_ninis-baby:_ ** Well you gotta decide. Do you want booty or do you want a boyfriend?

 

**_uni-sheep:_ ** Your dumb boyfriend asked the same thing. And yes I want a boyfriend. Okay, I’m doing this. 

 

**_ninis-baby:_ ** Go for it, I am pretty sure it will work out.

 

**_uni-sheep:_ ** Thank you Hunnie. Last chance to run away together?

 

**_ninis-baby:_ ** Thanks hyung, but I still love Jongin 

 

**_uni-sheep:_ ** Worth a shot. But Sehun. Please, PLEASE don’t tell anyone else.

 

**_ninis-baby:_ ** Of course not hyung! The only person I would absolutely have to tell is Nini and he already knows. I promise to not tell anyone, don’t worry hyung.

  
  


**_Assbiter❤_ **

 

**_ninis-baby:_ ** HYUNG HYUNG HYUNG I HAVE SOME EXCELLENT TEA

 

**_the-main-hoe:_ ** OHHHHHHH FUCK TELL ME BITCHHH

 

**_ninis-baby:_ ** YOU’RE THEORY WAS RIGHT HOE.

 

**_the-main-hoe:_ ** JUSTIN BIEBER IS A LIZARD?!

 

**_ninis-baby:_ ** Not that one.

 

**_the-main-hoe:_ ** WE ARE ALL JUST A SIMULATION?!

 

**_ninis-baby:_ ** Nope.

 

**_the-main-hoe:_ ** JONGDAE IS THE REASON WE ARE CONSTANTLY OUT OF TOILET PAPER, BECAUSE HE EATS IT.

 

**_ninis-baby:_ ** GOD DAMN IT NO.

 

**_the-main-hoe:_ ** THEN BITCH JUST TELL ME WHICH THEORY

 

**_ninis-baby:_ ** Something regarding a certain chinese guy and our dearest leader 

 

**_the-main-hoe:_ ** YIXING LIKES JUNMYEON?!

 

**_ninis-baby:_ ** YES HOE HE DOES.

 

**_the-main-hoe:_ ** HUNNIE YOU KNOW THE DRILL RECEIPTS OR IT DIDN’T HAPPEN.

 

**_ninis-baby:_ ** _ Forwarded  _ [Screenshot3478]

 

**_the-main-hoe:_ ** BITCH DAFUQ YOUR MAN GAVE SOME FUCKING GARBAGE ADVICE

 

**_ninis-baby:_ ** I know bitch, no worries I fixed my dumbo-babes mistakes.

 

**_ninis-baby:_ ** [Screenshot9664]

 

**_the-main-hoe:_ ** Good job sweetie, you literally saved the day.

 

**_the-main-hoe:_ ** WAIT THIS IS REALLY HAPPENING?!

 

**_ninis-baby:_ ** I KNOW RIGHT?! WE HAVE A NEW COUPLE RISING

 

**_the-main-hoe:_ ** ALSO BITCH WHAT WAS DELETED MESSAGE

 

**_ninis-baby:_ ** Nothing.

 

**_the-main-hoe:_ ** Never ask Jongin for advice about anything that isn’t food or dancing… what else…

 

**_ninis-baby:_ ** NOTHING.

 

**_the-main-hoe:_ ** OR SEX. BITCH ITS SEX ISNT IT.

 

**_ninis-baby:_ ** What? Pfft.

 

**_the-main-hoe:_ ** Biiiiiitch it so is sex. We been knew

 

**_ninis-baby:_ ** ALRIGHT JONGIN GIVES GARBAGE ADVICE BUT HE IS A FUCKING BEAST IN BED OKAY EVERYONE COULD TAKE SOME POINTERS. THEM HIPS DONT LIE.

 

**_the-main-hoe:_ ** Bitch I know I heard you way too many times.

 

**_the-main-hoe:_ ** “Jongin yes, OH MY GOD DADDY FUCK ME HARDER! YES YES JUST LIKE THAT!”

 

**_ninis-baby:_ ** StAHP

 

**_the-main-hoe:_ ** “YES BABY SCREAM FOR ME! YOU’RE SO GOOD FOR ME, AREN’T YOU?!”

 

**_ninis-baby:_ **

 

**_ninis-baby:_ ** ANYWAYS I'M REALLY SURPRISED XING AND JUN ARE THE NEXT TO RISE, I WAS SURE YOUR THIRST FOR SOO HYUNG WOULD BURST OUT ONE OF THESE DAYS

 

**_the-main-hoe:_ ** HEY! I DO NOT THIRST FOR SATAN HIMSELF! AND OUR TOPIC WAS XING AND JUN NOT ME AND THAT ASS. DO YOU THINK THEY DID IT?

 

**_ninis-baby:_ **

 

**_the-main-hoe:_ ** What?

 

**_ninis-baby:_ ** You think you can distract me from the fact that you want Soo hyung to dick you down.

 

**_the-main-hoe:_ ** I DO NOT WANT HIM TO DICK ME DOWN

 

**_ninis-baby:_ ** Suuuuuuuuure. Anyways hoe don’t tell anyone else, I just wanted to tell you. That’s it.

 

**_the-main-hoe:_ ** Don’t worry boo, I got you. I would never.

 

**_ninis-baby:_ ** I know me neither, I just had to tell you. 

 

**_the-main-hoe:_ ** Of course boo. Who else would you talk to?

 

**_ninis-baby:_ ** Exactly there is no one else I would tell this.

  
  
  


**_Fave Hyung ❤_ **

  
  


**_ninis-baby:_ ** Hyung! I have something to tell you!

 

**_try.me.bitch:_ ** What is it? Did something happen or did Jongin do something again?

 

**_ninis-baby:_ ** Nooo, I just found out some juicy gossip.

 

**_try.me.bitch:_ ** Oh, it’s sweet you wanna tell me, but you know idc about gossip

 

**_ninis-baby:_ ** Xing hyung likes Jun hyung.

 

**_try.me.bitch:_ ** What?! For real?!

 

**_ninis-baby:_ ** Yes! [Screenshot3478] [Screenshot9664]

 

**_try.me.bitch:_ ** Holy fuck, this is for real. Also Jongin’s advice is absolute garbage, good thing you came through and fixed that.

 

**_ninis-baby:_ ** I know, I swear it shouldn’t be legal for him to give advice.

 

**_try.me.bitch:_ ** Except when it comes to food, dancing or sex?

 

**_ninis-baby:_ ** HOW DID YOU KNOW?!

 

**_try.me.bitch:_ ** Hunnie, I’m your best friend. I know you better than anyone, even your dumbass boyfriend.

 

**_ninis-baby:_ ** That’s true.

 

**_try.me.bitch:_ ** But wait Yixing and Junmyeon? Wow, I did not see this coming. 

 

**_ninis-baby:_ ** I know I am so looking forward to all the drama that’s gonna happen.

 

**_try.me.bitch:_ ** How do you know there will be drama?

 

**_ninis-baby:_ ** Oh please, the resident fuckboy going after the most proper out of all of us? D R A M A

 

**_try.me.bitch:_ ** That’s also true.

 

**_ninis-baby:_ ** But don’t tell anyone!

 

**_try.me.bitch:_ ** Hunnie, sweetie you know I’m not interested in gossip.

  
  


**_GROUPCHAT: THE BEAGLES_ **

  
  


**_the-main-hoe:_ ** OH MY FUCKING GOD, I HAVE THE TEA OF THE CENTURY!

 

**_master.yeolda:_ ** YOU DO?! THIS BETTER BE LEGIT.

 

**_jurassic.troll:_ ** Yeah bitch, you better have receipts.

 

**_the-main-hoe:_ ** OH I HAVE RECEIPTS ALRIGHT

 

**_the-main-hoe:_ ** [Screenshot3478] [Screenshot9664]

 

**_jurassic.troll:_ ** BITCH WHAT OMFG

 

**_master.yeolda:_ **

 

**_the-main-hoe:_ ** TOLD YOU HOES

 

**_master.yeolda:_ ** BITCH I CAN NOT BELIEVE THIS

 

**_jurassic.troll:_ ** YIXING LIKES JUNMYEON. WHAT THE FUCK.

 

**_jurassic.troll:_ ** But seriously how did Jongin manage to keep Sehun for almost two years. That boy is the dumbest specimen to ever walk on this planet.

 

**_master.yeolda:_ ** I thought his advice was good. That’s what I’ve been doing with that girl from my drama.

 

**_the-main-hoe:_ ** OMFG DUMBYEOL DON’T. THAT IS FUCKING GARBAGE ADVICE BE A NORMAL HUMAN BEING.

 

**_jurassic.troll:_ ** CHANYEOL I SWEAR DON’T.

 

**_master.yeolda:_ ** BUT ITS WORKING SHE GAVE ME HER NUMBER

 

**_the-main-hoe:_ ** Wtf she must be as dumb as Yeol.

 

**_jurassic.troll:_ ** WHY ARE WE TALKING ABOUT DUMBYEOLS LOVE LIFE, WHEN THERE ARE MUCH BIGGER NEWS HERE

 

**_master.yeolda:_ ** HE IS RIGHT. THE FUCKBOY IS READY TO SETTLE?! WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON. 

 

**_the-main-hoe:_ ** HOW THE FUCK IS YIXING GETTING INTO A COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP AND I’M STILL SINGLE

 

**_jurassic.troll:_ ** Maybe if you would FINALLY admit how wet you are for SOMEONE, you wouldn’t be single

 

**_master.yeolda:_ ** A certain satan.

 

**_the-main-hoe:_ ** IF ONE MORE MOTHETFUCKER SAYS SOMETHING ABOUT ME AND HIM, I SWEAR TO GOD.

 

**_jurassic.troll:_ ** BITCH JUST GET THE DICK THAT YOU WANT

 

**_the-main-hoe:_ ** I DON’T WANT HIM !!OR!! HIS DICK

 

**_master.yeolda:_ **

 

**_the-main-hoe:_ ** ANYWAY don’t tell anyone else, Hunnie my little baby trusted me with this

 

**_jurassic.troll:_ ** WAIT A SECOND. HUNNIE TRUSTED YOU WITH THIS BUT HE DIDN'T TRUST ME

 

**_master.yeolda:_ **

 

**_master.yeolda:_ ** HOW COULD HE?! I’M GONNA ASK HIM

 

**_the-main-hoe:_ ** DON’T YOU DARE HOE, HE’LL KNOW I TOLD YOU AND DON’T TELL ANYONE ELSE

 

**_jurassic.troll:_ ** Don’t worry bitch, we got you.

 

**_master.yeolda:_ ** We would never tell on you hoe, we are BROTHERS DUDE.

 

**_the-main-hoe:_ ** I LOVE YOU ASSHOLES

  
  
  


**_The Husband_ **

  
  


**_jurassic.troll:_ ** EY YO HUSBAND!

 

**_coffee.prince:_ ** What’s up wifey?

 

**_jurassic.troll:_ ** [Screenshot3478] [Screenshot9664] Baek sent me these

 

**_coffee.prince:_ ** I know. I mean I knew Yixing likes Junmyeon, I didn’t know he was gonna be committed though.

 

**_coffee.prince:_ ** Also what kind of garbage advice does Jongin give? As one of the only two people in a happy relationship, you would think he should have so wisdom but nooooo. He is as dumb as Yeal 

 

**_jurassic.troll:_ ** I’m sorry, one of the ONLY TWO PEOPLE IN A HAPPY RELATIONSHIP?

 

**_coffee.prince:_ ** The only two people in a happy relationship everybody knows about. Sorry babe.

 

**_jurassic.troll:_ ** That’s what I thought. You think with this new progress, we should let the others know about us?

 

**_coffee.prince:_ ** I don’t know, we just went on like 3 dates and we are still seeing how it’s going… I don’t know if that’s serious enough to let everyone know. What do you think?

 

**_jurassic.troll:_ ** I mean I agree but it’s so hard not to tell anyone, when I get excited for our dates I just wanna have someone to hype me up or talk about dumb stuff like what I’ll wear.

 

**_coffee.prince:_ ** I know babe… Let’s make a deal when something REALLY happens between Yixing and Junmyeon then we’ll tell the others.

 

**_jurassic.troll:_ ** Deal! Don’t tell anyone about the Yixing thing ok?

 

**_coffee.prince:_ ** Please why would I.

  
  


**_Kyungsoo_ **

  
  


**_try.me.bitch:_ ** Did you hear?

 

**_coffee.prince:_ ** About Yixing liking Junmyeon? Yes, Jongdae told me.

 

**_try.me.bitch:_ ** Jongdae? Who did he hear it from? Sehun told me.

 

**_coffee.prince:_ ** He heard it from Baekhyun. This has to be a new record for how fast gossip travelled. Seriously these guys can’t keep a secret for shits.

 

**_try.me.bitch:_ ** Sehun told me like 4-5 minutes ago, and it already travelled to you. And looking at the time stamps on Jongin’s convo, that happened only 8 minutes ago. 

 

**_coffee.prince:_ ** 8 minutes and everyone excluding Junmyeon heard Yixings secret. Fascinating, how fast this travelled. Btw do you have any idea what the deleted message from Sehun was?

 

**_try.me.bitch:_ ** Yeah. It was “Or sex.” 

  
**_coffee.prince:_ ** Gross.  


End file.
